What we don’t say.

Thursday night I barely slept.Did I miss the traveling husband on my side snoring too much?May be! Yesterday I woke up tired.Tired and with lots of things to do included the Halloween decorations,I promised the girls we would have put them up on Friday.By 1030pm I was shuttered,covered in artificial spider webs,hangry and guilty because I didn’t have a proper dinner but just lot of unhealthy snacking .I let the dogs out and went to bed.During the afternoon the weather turned very bad,rainy and windy and still was.I am lying in bed,reading and catching up with fellow bloggers.The wind is very heavy.I didn’t close the black out curtains,I never do it when I am sleeping alone.I only turn down the light roller blinds.They are decorated with birds and flowers that the wind outside makes moving graciously like they are dancing on my window.The rain tip taps on the roof.I love the sound of the rain.It relaxes me and makes my mind float around .It makes me feel like I am in a movie and something is going to happen …soon.One dog is at my feet on the bed and the other,the giant one,is lying beside me.The wind always agitates me and if it goes on for few days I am usually hit by headache.I fall asleep ,I don’t know for how long but suddenly I am awake again.The dogs bark and howl.They ran downstairs,and start growling at one of the front windows.Of course the alarm goes off.I throw myself down the stairs in the dark and got scared from my own Halloween decorations:I scream and trip but I am ok.Nature provided me with a well cushioned back side that,for once, comes useful.Miraculously the girls didn’t wake up.I check outside through the windows but I can’t see or hear anything.False alarm.I go back to bed,hopefully to sleep until morning.When I wake up on Saturday is still pouring rain and high wind.I actually don’t mind.It is,on the contrary,an excuse to take it easy .We have nothing on until afternoon anyway.While my youngest daughter is at a birthday party myself and my other daughter go to some friends house.Their daughters are friends with mine and we adults enjoy each other company pretty much.It has been a while we are not at their house and I am dying to see all the renovations they did.I always felt quite at easy in that house.It is one of those warm house who reflects the personality of their owners.Nesters like I am.It is one of those houses where you stop by supposedly for 5 minutes and end up to stay hours.The house post renovations is even more cosy and absolutely beautiful.Extremely tasteful and high quality.Over coffee and cakes I tell them about my blog.I find the courage.Only few people I know have been told about it and when I say few, I mean it:you can count them on one hand’s fingers.I suppose not telling people I know about the blog is based on the fear of being judged.There is a certain embarrassment because you expose your inner self and you are not sure if it will be liked,understood,accepted .My blog is my space,I say what I feel and what I think even on thorny subjects.I say what I see.I reveal how my mind works.In a way it is like going to a therapist:it is easier to open up because who is in front of you doesn’t know you.There are no prejudices. No judgements.No history.Unfortunately I can’t not to ask myself if my friends will look at me with different eyes after reading my blog.Will my friends look at me differently after discovering things about me they didn’t know before?Will my friends look at me differently once they will acknowledge what I feel?Will they be disappointed when they will learn how my brain really works and how I see things?May be they will but,is this a bad thing? I don’t know.Only thing I know is that the opinions ,the views,the feelings I express with my writing are genuine.They are not filtered.It is pure character.A pure genuine natural character that, I can rarely show in my everyday”real” life.If we are completely honest ,we have to admit that we all play a character in our life,no matter what.A character of many different parts and roles depending on the situations.This is not because we are double faces or because we want to be mischievous but,simply,because everybody who is around us has some kind of expectations.We are confined in a precise space and time.We are not free of responsibilities either,we play along with all this.Sometimes consciously some others not.Anyway we shouldn’t.We shouldn’t be embarrassed for who we are behind our ordinary mask.Seeing things in a way not everybody does is a skill ; express them through writing is a talent ;sharing them with an audience is a test for our self confidence;sharing them with our friends is a proof of trust ,in them and in our beliefs.