Ortensia is back in town!

Published on by ortensia

I am alive if you have ever wondered.
Three weeks without blogging and properly browsing around WP is my most extended break, but don’t worry my life has not become boring all of a sudden, something potentially truly madly ordinary happened, I just had no time to blog . So,ladies and gents ,here it is a brief (not really that brief actually😬)recap for you:

THE BOOK
All my energy and most of all my spare time have gone on the book, and I am glad to announce that the manuscript has been finished, home polished, and now it is having his final grooming with a professional editor. Exciting, scary, and, in total honesty, also presumptuous in a way as writing a book in a language that is not my native one, let’s be honest, can sound nothing but that. Thankfully, my wise Swedish friend game the hope that it might sound intriguing instead and only create curiosity about me and book. Naturally, I decided to go with her vision, if it wasn’t for the fact that said by me, it sounds even more presumptuous. Damn it, there is no way to escape here unless of course, I lie about my nationality, but then I can’t use it as an excuse to get away with some grammar inaccuracy. Oh boy, I can’t win!!!!Now, I think I already talked enough about the book or else by the time it will be out you will be fed up with it already, and I am counting on you to buy it. If then you happen to read it too that would be amazing.

NONA ‘S VISIT
Nona has visited us in occasion of daughter number one birthday. She never misses her granddaughters birthday. It was a brief visit but very pleasant, maybe not at the best time as it came in the middle of the last chapter but sure it has been an excuse to give a good clean and tied up to the house, that like its occupant has been lately neglected.Unfortunately, having split myself between the laptop and the hoover, I forgot the laundry basket and that one night that Nona was babysitting there was no clean vest in their drawers. The perfect situation, this one, test your kids and hope for them to be quick and smart. My kids miserably failed the test, and none of the two thought to pretend to wear a vest under their PJs. They both went asking their grandma what to do. Grandma, for whom, running out of clean vest or knickers is something unthinkable and unforgivable, didn’t have a real answer for them if not telling them to stay strong and be patient that someday their mother will be done writing and back to the washing.

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY
Daughter number one birthday was on Wednesday, but her party was not until Saturday. In the days in between, we merely ate leftover cake that certainly helped my so-called writer butt: flat and wide.
The party was at an adventure camp and included climbing, obstacles in the air, zip line and drop jump. During the activities, I planned to read in the cosiness and warmth of the coffee shop, but as usual, things didn’t go according to with plans.I found myself striped in ropes, chains and hooks instead. I admit it; my ego took over after my daughter looked at me with her big green eyes and went: ” please please please…you will be the coolest mom ever”, and so, here I was up in the platform.
But, in fairness, how could I resist considering she had turned 12 and pretty soon she will hate me and won’t want to be anywhere near me! The problem is that in the last seventeen /eighteen years I have been having problems with altitude and launching myself from a platform in the air It might have not been the best of things I could be doing on a Saturday afternoon. Or maybe it could actually. According to the travelling husband, my fear of altitude started after I did a bungee jumping over some waterfalls in my mid-twenties.”Here you go”, I thought; in every decent movie they fix fear with coping the anxiety or what it triggered and always successfully. Unfortunately, that is when I realised they are called movies for a reason, they are fictional, and in reality if you are afraid of heights there is no fecking way you can jump in the air unless a flying mutant crocodile crossed with an evil peacock is trying to eat you. And so I was there, one foot out one foot in the platform striped and ready in the safety equipment with a choir of sixth grader shouting after me: “do it do it do it do it”.I didn’t do it, my feet were as heavy as the Eifel tower and glued to the ground.The kids were all very supportive, and my daughter was not disappointed in me. Who was not understanding at all was the instructor who kept looking at me like a was a coward chicken for the rest of the day. Thankfully he was not present when we had the cake, or I am sure he would have never allowed me to have a slice: No jump, No cake

THE CHEATING HUSBAND
A few Saturdays ago we have been invited to a party thrown from one of the beach ladies, aka one of my dogs’ friend. The time of making friends through school is over. The girls are eventually old enough for me not to hang much outside the school gate, and also, over the years, I got a full taste of the different type of moms and who I had to get friendly with, I did it already by now. All the rest it was not meant to be, aka not worth it! Nowadays, most of my new acquaintances, that in some cases had become excellent friends, are met through dogs or my little literary circle and on occasions, the two worlds merge. Back to the party, it was a crowded one and a sort of housewarming party as the lovely couple who hosted it only recently moved into the house: lovely food, beautiful people of different backgrounds but a great mix. The weather that had been horrible all week, for that night turned mild, and it made enjoyable to stay out in the garden chatting by the fire. Nobody was driving, and nobody has been shy with wine and the exquisite finger food that our hostess was graciously serving around.
It was with extreme sadness that by 1.am we had to start thinking to call a taxi. Saturday nights are always, and from when you call the cab and when you get it might pass even an hour. The travelling husband didn’t know the exact address, and so he passed me his phone with the cab company number ready to call on the display, or at least that it was way he meant it. I rang and a woman answer calling my husband name? At first, I was a bit surprised, but then I just thought the company had the travelling husband number registered and saved under his forename, as we always use the same service. I asked for a cab but the same lady, with a strong Italian accent, replayed I had got the wrong number. Me, I apologised and hung up. Now, I might have been tipsy but the facts are crystal clear: there is a woman that at 2.o.clock am Italian time, doesn’t sound so surprised to receive a phone call from my husband!!!
So, this is my chance for a bit of drama, and I immediately confront the travelling husband who, as the classic old rule want, denies everything. Unfortunately, for him, there is not much to deny: he gave me the phone with the last calls on to call the taxi, and along this last call calls there is someone used to late, very late, calls from him. In fairness, the whole thing sounded dull since the beginning and the theory of the mistress was weak. Either I had married a ridiculously stupid man, and I suppose I would have realised it already after over twenty years together, or I had married someone genuinely with no sins to hide. Soon it became clear that he still is the exceptional bright man I married and has no crimes to hide. Instead of listening at my tantrum,(that I must admit was not convincing myself either), he started to inspect the phone trying to understand what could have been happened. Ultimately what happened was that on top of being slightly drunk I was also not wearing my reading glass and as I couldn’t see the numbers on the phone anyway, I just blindly pushed whatever it looked to me like the last calls list, except it was his business calls list. My chance of being the protagonist of a soap opera style drama vanished: my husband doesn’t have a second family in Milan. As we discovered the following day, the drama was unfortunately not avoided on both ends of the phone, and while we were having a huge laugh the poor lady colleague had severe trouble to explain to her jealous boyfriend why a man from Ireland was calling her at that time of the morning and faking a woman voice.

And that’s all for now my readers.My turn to catch up with your posts!

Have a great week end you all.

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101 thoughts on “Ortensia is back in town!”

    1. Lol,I’m glad I’m in good company.when this all altitude fear started I went to doctor and he says it could be normal with age only prob was that the time I was only in my mid /late twenties🤷🏻‍♀️

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  9. Welcome back my dear Lips for Literature friend. (That should be scandalous enough 🤭) I have missed you terribly. Without your humor to fill my day, I slipped into a dark gothic Victorian vampire mood. It was fun though. Oh congrats on the book! Not only will I buy it but I will read it, maybe even twice or more. This was a delightful post. Your humor is always the best. I was especially intrigued by your BDSM birthday experience. Tied up and dangled from a platform with the threat of jump or no cake! 😲. All you needed was the traveling but not really cheating husband to spank you a little until you jumped if not for the thrill, but for the cake. A writer needs lots of sugar, carbs, and coffee to make it through to the other side. I really laugh about the awful sin of no vest for the daughters with Nona’s visit. It is this way at my house too. Grandma insists the grand daughters wear two vests and chest wraps before they go outside their room. If they catch cold from raw unfiltered air circling everywhere on the planet, they will be weak and evil spirits will get into their heads and make them sassy. Grandma doesn’t like sassy and so she takes no chances with their tender personalities. I’m glad I am the male. Grandma doesn’t care if I get sick and sassy so I can just wear a T-shirt with a picture of a vampire on the front. I look forward to reading more about you adventures.

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    1. Oh my dear friend,thank you thank you thank you.i still have a big smile stamped on my face after reading your comment but ,who said the traveling husband at the end didn’t spank me?maybe not on the platform in front of the kids😉💃🏻👯‍♀️👯‍♂️😂and yes,I suppose grandma are the same everywhere you go…..🤓

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      1. Waaa haaa haaaa! If there was indeed the proper spanking then I’d say it was a very sucessful outing. Kidding aside, I’m glad to see you back and in full humor.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Okay, I had NO IDEA you were writing a book. Good luck with it, I guess I’ll need to start saving up for it haha.
    Is it the type of book where you write all interesting anecdotes like this one down? Or is it fiction?
    Happy birthday to your first daughter. She’ll be a teenager from next year and you’ll probably see a great deal less of her which would be kinda saddening haha. And I’ve got to say, most of your adrenaline pumped moments don’t seem to end well, do they? Like the time you burnt your finger with friction from the slide 😂. They do make for great stories though haha.
    And wow, your poor husband had to bear the brunt of your rage for no apparent reason haha. I wonder how the woman on the other line managed to calm her husband down too 😂.
    I definitely did miss your posts really. They usually give me a good chuckle. Have a great day my friend ❤.

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  14. ust read you blog. Glad you’re back! But the book? What book? About what and how long have you been working on it? Self published or traditionally published…ok, quick, now I have to go back to the Cheating Husband section. I’d be glad to help you get even…

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    1. Be careful what you wish for Georgie,I could end up sending you thousands of email asking fir advice and opinions.but as you said it and it is in writing I’ll contact you personally.in the meanwhile enjoy your Sunday untill is still is a Italian desperate writer to be free😂😘

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      2. Lol,exactly like when my daughters ask me ,for help with fractions😂😂😂
        Let’s cut a deal here…..and say I’ll be asking and pestering for a ruthless(but nit much)review when the time comes💃🏻

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  17. Wonderful, wonderful news! Congratulations on your book, I hope it will be a great success. What I notice when I’m writing in a foreign language, it’s easier for me, as if someone else is writing. Do you experience the same? So excited, can’t wait to see it finished.
    Cheating husband episode had me laughing so hard.

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    1. lol,I’m glad you had a good laugh😂😎
      In total honesty I never thought it would be easier for me to write in English than in Italian but I’m so used to the language now that I seriously doubt I would be a better writer in my own language as even when I speak it I realize I lack in vocabularies.

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      1. For me, it’s the issue of detachment. I can talk about things in English I don’t dare in my own language, or at least not to that extent. Also, I noticed that not so smart thoughts sound so much better in English 😊 Again, congrats on your accomplishment and I hope I’ll have a chance to buy your book soon❤

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      2. You know what I never thought about it that way and always thought expressing my thoughts and feeling in English was easier because it’s simpler language but actually you are right❤️it’s like to talk about you to a stranger…..much easier than to someone who knows you☺️

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  19. Welcome back and great post! Amusing story with the phone call. Way to go with the book. I’m still on the first draft. Glad to see someone going for it, and another language is no small feat. So you’re Italian living there with an Irish husband writing in Swedish?

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  26. Particularly enjoyed the phone calls. Earlier this year, it took me a month and over fifty calls (many to voice mail) to convince a caller with limited English I wasn’t her son. Apparently he was never visiting and she needed her television fixed.

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    1. Thank you and no pressure…..of course lol 😂😂😂
      Jokes aside now that I’m nearly there I’m starting to have so many doubts about the finished product (that I like until few weeks s ago🙄),that I nearly wish I had neve advertised it😬

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      1. This feeling is completely normal. The most difficult is now behind you. The second phase, however, is usually quite long. So be patient. I am sure everything will be fine. I cannot wait to read you. No pressure !!!! 😂

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    1. Thank you.Hopefully by end January it will be out and I’ll be completely back because now I realized I’m only half back actually and have to catch up with lots of posts.in the meanwhile have a great weekend

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      1. Ah ok, I see now, thriller! Omg 😮 I didn’t expect it…I guess “that cheating” husband will be killed by the lover of his wife 😂😂 who is actually not a woman…mmmm and this is only the start 😂🕺

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