A Truly Madly Ordinary Kitchen Knives’ Tale

Published on by ortensia

Today I eventually woke up for the first time with no headache. It looks like my migraine is gone,just in time for the party we have tonight. It is a fancy dress party and I am now regretting not to attend it dressed as a zombie. After I have spent the last three days in a semi-comatose state, locked inside my house in the dark, I could in fact just show up with my bare naturally greenish face and be as scary as hell.

Even if the headache is gone, a few days on heavy painkiller left me a bit numb.Breaking all my records I managed to injure three of my fingers at once. I went to the garden to get some flowers and a humungous rose’ thorn got stack into my right index. Once inside and on my way to remove it I stopped by the bin and pressing down the rubbish I sliced two other fingers on the lid of a can I had just opened.
Three plasters later the cuts were still bleeding heavily, the thorn was forgotten and now totally disappeared under my skin.

When we got together, the traveling husband was not told since the beginning what he was bargaining for, until the first time he saw me slicing a cucumber and my fingers without making a sound until the chopping board changed its color from white to red.In that occasion he discovered that the tip of my left index has no sensitivity left after I chopped off all the nerves,along with the finger,and doctors had to surgically stitch it back to the rest of the hand. Thankfully love won over the fact that his wife not only has a problem with kitchen knives but she also needs to be told when she cut herself on some particular fingers in order to avoid her to bleed out.

Years after years and cut after cut the traveling husband’ s training as a surgical nurse when he was in the army, came very handy and after that one time I severed an artery on the palm of my hand, he also learned how to categorize my injuries: if the blood squirts everywhere for over two hours,that is the benchmark that the matter can’t be resolved at home, a drive to the hospital is required.

Twenty years with a woman who slices her fingers most of the times she uses a kitchen knife, did teach the travelling husband much better than panic coming home to find blood traces around the house, and so when Saturday he came home and saw the trail of blood on the stairs, he simply called: “Is it squirting ?”. “No just dripping”, I called back and I heard him throwing the car’ s key back in the bowl and turning the tv on.

I might not have needed to go to the hospital, but I was extremely uncomfortable: the rose’s thorn went more in-depth, and because I am too much of a sissy to go deep in with a needle I just decided to leave it there and simply covering it with a bandage so that it won’t hurt at the touch . In the meanwhile, the plasters wrapped around the other two fingers were not sticking because I kept wetting them and as a results everything I was touching it was stained in blood.The only plausible solution I could think of was covering the plasters with waterproof sellotape for parcels.
I know, utterly bizarre but it worked.I stopped dripping blood everywhere and rigorously using only two fingers of my right hand I also managed to dress up and more or less successfully spread vampires and witches make up on me and my gang.

At the end my persistence was rewarded and right in time for the party I could remove in total safety the plasters and use my fingers to hold my glass:four fingers because the thorn is still there………..a problem for tomorrow,when I will hopefully be braver and use that needle .

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82 thoughts on “A Truly Madly Ordinary Kitchen Knives’ Tale”

    1. Lol,thank you dear and don’t worry the knife that can defeat me is still not born tet🤣😎
      Migraines are horrible,I have been diagnosed with chronic migraine over twenty years ago so learned to cope with it even if I must say in the last years it is much better😀

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  3. If that is your Halloween picture, you look amazing–like a gorgeous Time Warp Dancer (because of the cute hat) from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hope your fingers are doing better and the evil thorn is removed. You, with knives in the kitchen, sound like Halloween horror film in the making. Sorry to hear about the migraines.

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    1. Fingers cut are still quite dire and must confess the thorn is still there….I might need my husband nursing skill for thst😱but migraine is gone and my mood is back to it bubbly self😉
      P.s
      I love the hat too,2 euros at the pound shop😀

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      1. If you see pus around the thorn, get the traveling nursing husband to extract as soon as possible. The more infected it becomes, the more painful it will be. (May require some medicinal wine at the very least.)

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      2. I might fake the infection just for your suggested medicine tnougj😂🍷
        Jokes apart tonight I have to do something about because it’s sore and finger is swelling😳I’ll keep you posted😉

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Definitely a week to forget Eh?
    Please do all your readers a favor and get that prickly thorn out your finger as soon as possible Ortensia. It may clog your nerves and complicate the whole process 😒😒.
    On a side note, you look great all ready for that party of yours. I hope your finger didn’t stop you from having fun. I see you’re getting in the spirit of Halloween 😄.

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    1. ThAnk you my friend❤️😊and at the end I had great time and not even thought about my fingers but today the thorn is really sore so definitely tonight it will be removed…..in a way or an other😉

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    1. Thank you Georgie,unfortunately migraines is something I live with since my early twenties when I have been diagnosed with chronic migraines.i have prescriptions pills for when they are really bad but this time it felt like my neck was involved too……the Joey of aging 😬

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  11. My sister always used to say not to worry about splinters – surely a thorn is a big splinter? The soft tissue would recognise the foreign body and become a little bit septic and because the wound would then have softer flesh around it you could push out the splinter swiftly with a credit card! Hope it heals quickly 🙂

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    1. Yes your sister is right,our body tends to expel anyway foreign bodies.The thorn is still too deep for me to be able to remove it so I’ll have to wait exactly as your sis says.🤷🏻‍♀️

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    1. Lol,yes what Halloween without some blood right?😂
      Thank you for reading and absolutely my pleasure to follow you just be patient with me as I’m struggling with time at the moment also it might take a while to catch up with posts😊have a good day😀

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  20. Ouch, ouch, ouch Ortensia. you sound like a lioness with a thorn in your paw, and I’m sure it’s sore. And I’m always cutting myself too, I’ve a couple of numb and dumb fingers too, so I’m truly sympathizing with you. I’m so glad your headache/migraine has dissipated, it’s an awful pain, I know, I wake up with a headache everyday, from my neuralgia pain. Stay well my friend, and avoid those knife fights….. xx

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  26. Reblogged this on IdeasBecomeWords and commented:
    Oh, how delightful to be sipping my
    first cup of tea and to be giggling,
    then laughing out loud at this wonderful
    post by my friend over in Ireland.
    Ortensia describes the Travelling Husband
    so well in all her posts, we get a great
    visual of the goings-on between
    the onion chopping board and the
    trips to the garden centre.
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  29. Pingback: Love and Money | Short Poem No. 39 | The Poetry About Us
  30. Pingback: Love and Money | Short Poem No. 39 – The Poetry About Us

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