This morning a woke up very alerted. The alarm didn’t even finish to ring that I already had my feet out the bed.Very unusual .Not that the other mornings it takes me ages to get up but I might take my time under the cover to perform a big stretch with my legs and arms.The legs stretch is particularly needed as the gigantic dog sleeps on my side of the bed.This morning instead I jumped out the bed and throw myself in the bathroom, I put on my dogs clothes and went downstairs to get breakfast ready and to pack the lunches for school.The traveling husband is home today ,we had coffee together,I waved him off and went to to wake up the girls.I am behind my morning schedule already but it does not bother me and I am not even pretending I am rushing.While the girls are dressing up and having breakfast I go to put some make up on and desperately tried to smile at myself at the mirror as Yoko Ono teaches.I can’t do it.This morning I am failing to perform this little routine of mine.My smile looked more a grin and I can’t understand why,I am not even in a bad mood.If I am honest with myself it is few days that I feel strange,on the edge.I feel like I am running out of time.To do what I am not sure but this is exactly the feeling I have been having lately.I feel overwhelmed.Many things I have to do and not enough time to do them all.Then I wonder: do I really have not enough time or what I am missing is the will?Time is a tricky concept.It follows us since we are born through all our life.Everything we do is punctuated by time.In a way we are its prisoners but we couldn’t exist without it.When I think about “time” I always think at Peter Hoeg,the danish writer.To me he is “the time author”.What I remember the most of his books is in fact the special place reserved for the concept of time and what is beneath it .His books are now a long gone memory as I read them many years ago so may be it is not even quite like that but it is only my interpretation.Even so,anyway,it doesn’t change the fact that in my head “time” and Peter Hoeg will always be associate.(Hope if you decide to read his books after this post you will not be disappointed.).Back to me now:”time”,do I need more of it or do I simply need more structure?Or do I simply need the will to do what I have to and the focus?Is this not the question that,at least once in a lifetime ,we all make to ourselves?If what we need is structure is quite easy:any self help manual about time management can lead us on the right direction to organize our days and get the most out of it.If what we need is the will to do,then,the situation is more complicated.How many times in fact we hide behind the lack of time?How many times we ,indeed have no time but,we don’t even make the effort to find it?”Effort”,the magic word that make the impossible possible.I have a dear friend.We used to live in the same estate until we both moved.She went further south of the city and I went further north.No more knock on the door for a quick hug during a bad day and no more coffee mornings in either mine or hers kitchen.We have to be happy talking on the phone and see each other regularly but not quite often as we used to.We usually meet up halfway.We both have busy life with work,dogs,kids,husbands social engagements and whatever every person had daily on his plate but we try to keep it up with our meetings.It is not always easy of course.Last Saturday for example we met after over three months and nearly risked not to as something unexpected came up .But we did it: late in the afternoon and for less time then usual but we met.A bit stressed out ,a bit rushed but it worth it. We made an effort to meet.We made the effort because we knew that if we didn’t our friendship would have succumbed to our live’s tight schedules and to the tyrannical time.So,May be it is time I am honest with myself: sometimes I don’t find the time to do something or to see someone because I don’t care enough. If I am completely honest with myself many times I have time to do that phone call or to send a replay to that mail or to sweep the leaves in the back garden but I simply chose to sit down have coffee and read a magazine.If I am completely honest with myself those “friends” I don’t see that regularly anymore it is not because I But more because I don’t do the effort,not enough anyway.Of course the lack of time excuse keeps my guilty conscience at bay and mitigates the feeling of letting them down.Of course,also,being time wise selfish is bilateral : It is not only us doing it.Everybody does it.The world is populated by selfish evil persons who like to have coffee and read a magazine instead of talking on the phone with that acquaintance is complains about the same things for the last 10years.The problem is:if we do it we feel kind of guilty and bad,but when we realized that somebody is doing it with us is disappointing.It can be hurtful if it is someone you care about.If it Someone you couldn’t care less you might not even realizing they are doing it.I suppose it is a matter of priorities:sometimes we share them sometimes we don’t.Sometimes they have their way over our sense of duty sometimes they don’t.May be there is a component of laziness as well.This is what my mother would say,but she is a woman who should have days of 35 hours for fitting in every thing.Now it is a bit better as she retired so a 24 hours day most of the time can do.I simply thing that life is anyway full of situations where you must do something weather you want or you like it or not so why impose it to ourself even when we don’t have to?When we can we should give time to what makes us feel good not to what we feel like an obligation.May be this is a form of decluttering from time badly spent,from time deprived to ourself or to what it really matters.Time is precious and we should always use it wisely making it our allay rather then our enemy.