I was in the kitchen peeling potatoes yesterday,my oldest daughter came in,sat on one of the stool at the kitchen counter and starting to chat away about her day at school.I was distracted,I just picked up fragments of conversation about some school mates being grounded because they didn’t finish their assignments but pretended they did.She didn’t finish her assignment either,but went straight to the teacher to tell she didn’t and why.Teacher told her she was not in trouble at all because she has been honest.”See mama, honesty always pays”.I can’t exactly explain why, but those words brought my attention totally back to her.She was right and I was proud of her .My mother always believed in good lies .She always thought,and still does,that a nice lie is better then an ugly truth.I can’t say how many times she used an alleged hilliness of mine to avoid social engagements.How many times I was stopped by her friends asking me if I was feeling better when I didn’t even know what they were talking about.Even now, I keep saying to her that there is nothing wrong with saying to someone she simply doesn’t feel to go out.It is ok not feeling in the mood for something ,it is not rude to say so.Still,she wouldn’t say it.I grew up in a big extended family.In a way everybody was in everybody else pockets and I totally get it that for my mother was just simpler to lie or ,as she would say,omitting details.Often they were very very big details.If nothing was said,no questions were asked and no explanations had to be given.It always annoyed me and I have always been determined to do the opposite.I always thought this was a way to avoid an immediate problem/conflict/complication but also to create a chain of events that can only bring stress.Stress to keep up lying,stress to remember the excuses that have been told,stress to think about at excuses to be used.I love simplicity too much to engage myself in this vicious circle.I never really understood why I should complicate my life when it is not necessary.There are so many occasion when we can’t speak the truth ,because the consequences could be far more destructive then not knowing that truth,that I am not lying if I can.Not because I am an incredible upright person but because I like a simple stress free life….when possible.The world is not black or white.There are lots of grey areas and the adults sometimes lie.They lie compulsively;they lie relentlessly; they lie naively,thinking it is the best thing to do.Unfortunately even if born from the best intentions a lie is a lie.Good lies exist only in our conscience.There are no good lies and bad lies.There are lies and that is it.This is what I teach my girls ,for now.When they will be old enough they will understand that their grand mother, is in part right when saying that a sweet lie is better then an ugly truth,(on occasion),but it is and always be a lie and it might come back to bite you someday.
2 thoughts on “Good Lie Bad Lie. Good Truth Bad Truth.”
honesty is the best policy, it seems-I have never been a good liar, my face gives me away and my heart just makes me blurt out the truth, moments later. Good for you for showing your daughters the “truth of the matter” ! love michele
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I am not good at lying either….can’t disguise the frown ,unfortunately I am a spontaneous person.
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