I still love you but I am not in love with you anymore

Last 3years have been rollercoaster of emotions.
We moved to a new house,a house I really wanted.
the house was my project and I remember saying to my self "we can be really happy there".
But what was I really meaning with that?
At the time I didn't think about it ,to be honest I didn't even think there was some hidden meaning there.
But there was:I was running away from something and changing house was just a way to change life !
Then we moved .The first few months I was busy to organise our family life in a new house and new town,but once that was sorted I soon became aware that what was missing in the old house was still missing!!!
My life was busy ,yes,but dull…………
I was dull,or better that version of me was dull .
I suddenly see myself for what I became and didn't like .
Not only I didn't like it but also it made feel so uncomfortable that I had to do something and I did.
I worked on myself hard,very hard and not pain free.
It came a long way ,and the journey is not over(like my dear Patty Smith says "I am in a constant state of adjustment ")but I was eventually back to my old self.
My kids very happier,my husband allegedly so( in fact at the time he didn't really see what was going on).The only one was not happy about it was my mother,she still think my change and my well being is a kind of regression ,but this is a subject for an other time.
The husband,this is instead a subject for now.
He too became dull.
He is a very very clever man but unfortunately not very sensitive and particularly sociable but he is always been my "grumpy bear" and I have always been the exception:hard and private with everybody but me.And this always made me feel special then suddenly we went from being a golden couple to be a normal couple,we went from being best friend to be "just husband and wife".
I was not his babe anymore ,I didn't feel special at all and he, well ,he was there but he wasn't !!!
And we went on like that until I started to receive platonic attention from someone and I was flattered by all those compliments but you know what?it was nice to be courted but I soon realised that I liked the attention but I wanted them from my husband!
And that was it: one night I let it all go with him.
We talked and talked ,obviously my husband was totally oblivious to the whole situation but everything was clear to me we were loosing each other,we loved each other but we were not in love anymore and we both had to do something.
I was determined to bring back" the special us" and kick away "the ordinary us".
And we made it:He might not have noticed that we're loosing each other but sure he noticed how good our relationship(sex included)is now,even better then on the old days😊
Well you want to know an other thing???
I also have to thank the Addams family for my happy special marriage !


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